Friday, 6 February 2015

Deep conversation with a neighbour

Deep conversation with anon-muslim neighbour
Salam everyone,
I just wanted to share a conversation I shared with one of my lovely neighbours recently. She’s simply adorable old little lady that posted me a welcome to the area card when I first moved to the area, and she’s always putting my bins back after collection, a true lady with English values.
She was just having a little chat with me when she randomly asked, I hope you don’t mind but I wanted to ask you something. I was like oh sure go ahead, thinking it’s probably a ‘islam/muslim’ question. Then she went on: “It’s  quite sometime now that you have moved here, and you seem such a lovely persons, and your girls are such a delight, I was wondering if you don’t feel lonely sometimes,” she carries on, “ don’t get me wrong please, it’s just I remember when I separated from my daughter’s dad, a long long time ago, I wanted to find someone else, and I did eventually find the right one after a while, although later on he turned out to be the wrong one as well.” She laughs. “It’s just I was thinking, I never see any man coming around, except for your brother and I was wondering, I know what I feels like, I just thought maybe I could give you some advice.”
I was actually really touched by what she said; it was nice of her to think about me even though we don’t have a deep and meaningful relationship. It was definitely a sweet thought from her.
I started to think how am I supposed to answer this, so I started: “Oh thank you that’s very sweet of you. We muslims don’t date you see, we don’t mingle with men other than family members and we avoid mixing with the other sex.”
She listened carefully, then said, “oh! I understand. But how do you meet your husband then?”
“Very good question! We normally rely on family, friends or acquaintances who would set up a meeting between potentials. For example, a relative may know of so and so who wants to get married, and bring a marriage proposal to a potential, who then consider to pursue or not.”
“oh that’s interesting, it used to be like that in the old days, but not anymore, but it’s nice to see some people still living by their values. So do you just get married after you receive the proposal?”
“Well not really, normally the two parties will talk (including the bride, groom and families) and if they think it’s a good match, then islamically as they are not allowed to date then they get married.”
“Oh it must be hard though. You are basically marrying a stranger. And, what if you two can’t get on?”
“Marriage is risky anyway isn’t it? What guarantee do you have when you date someone that they always gonna be right for you? I mean many people date for quite a while before getting married and it stills doesn’t work out. It’s all about destiny.”
“True. At least in my case,” she says. She carries on, “so are your family and friends trying to look for someone for you then?”

An innocent question from an innocent lady. Yet, it was harder to answer this question.

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