Be a Mum!

Assalamu’alaikum /Hello everyone.

I haven’t blogged in  a very long time, probably a year or even more. I started working and that left me with little time to send online or doing anything else.

I have recently come back from my holidays and i have also resigned from my job. And, even though I would need to get a job asap, those past few days had made me realise how much I missed being a full-time mum. It’s one of the greatest gift and if possible I would highly recommend any mum to send the first few years of their children’s lives with them. Unfortunately, for personal reasons I won’t have this blessing for too long.

There’s only 13 months between my two girls, and I sent the first 2 years of my life as a Mum at home. This means that I started working when the eldest just turned 2 and the youngest 1. I had a great bonding with my first child during those two years, I saw her growing up, I witnessed every stage of her development, I helped her in becoming independent and a little madam. We had excellent communication, which resulted in her being out of nappies a few months before she turned 2. I remember it actually only took me 3 days to potty train her, and I couldn’t believe it myself. Even now, she’ll run as soon as she sees me with a big smile on her face. If I am upset by her behaviour, she would come and apologise, and every night before she goes to bed, she’ll come to my room and say Mummy, I want to say sorry. At first, I didn’t get it, but now it’s become a little ritual and I kind of know it’s gonna happen at bedtime.

With child number 2, we have a different relationship. I love her as much as I love child number 1, but I guess i did not put enough effort in our relationship. She just became a person when i put her in nursery from 9-4 Mondays to Fridays.  We did not send much time together, and even when we did, she had to share me with her sister. We never had this one-to-one. I guess we should have had a better relationship as she was the one who was fully breastfed till the age of 1. But, somehow, something was lacking. As a single mum, I was the only one around them and obviously there was no choice but to share the only parent. Now that she was not a baby anymore, that was the perfect time to build on our relationship. I probably failed to recognise that, and even if I did, we didn’t have much choice.

I find child number 2 to be more stubborn, she does not have any problem sharing toys etc, and she doesn’t have any problem in helping out. She’s actually very kind and helpful, if anyone wants to get something, and she heard it, she’ll run to fetch it for you without anyone having to tell her. She’s ever-ready to help. But, she only does what she likes and doesn’t like being told what to do. It might just be her personality, but with her i struggle to discipline her. She puts herself on ‘time-out’ when she misbehaves. She doesn’t cry if on time out for too long or when being told off etc; she’s actually not scared of anything or anyone! If i am upset, she doesn’t care as long as she’s doing what she wants. It was actually getting quite exasperating!  I couldn’t find anything to scare her or threaten her with.

Coming back from holidays, and being jobless, I decided I need to invest more in our relationship given that I now have the opportunity. The eldest being 3, has started pre-school, meaning she gets 15 hours free schooling every week, and this is what I actually needed. Child number one being away from home gives me that one-to-one, i needed with child number 2. I do everything i did with my child number 1. We go to playgroups, we go swimming together, we do gardening, we do our little arts and crafts and obviously go shopping. It’s amazing how a little input from me, has turned a new leaf into our relationship. I have come to know my own daughter, to understand her, to understand her wants and needs. We communicate very well; we have a better understanding of each other, and something that never happened before, when she does something wrong and I tell her off, her face drops and she looks down and apologise. It’s amazing how making time for your children can help you having better communication with them and a more healthy relationship.

This brings me to my next topic, which inshallah i will blog about soon as I think it’s worth sharing!