All About Cyprus

 All you need to know before travelling to Cyprus

Blue Lagoon (Paphos)

Disclaimer: I have not travel blogged in a while due to COVID. Our last travel was in December 2019 in Italy. Cyprus was one of the few places that were still open to non-vaccinated visitors during COVID-19 travel bans.

I do not receive any payment for any of the places mentioned. I just share my experience to help other travellers.

 

Airport

Cyprus is divided into two countries, Northern Cyprus/ Turkish Republic of Cyprus and (South) Cyprus which is part of the EU. There are three airports in Cyprus, Ercan in Northern Cyprus and Larnaca and Paphos in EU-Cyprus. Deciding which airport to land in is crucial as it will restrict your movement around the island. The Greek/EU Cyprus Government do not recognise Northern Cyprus and as such if you land in Ercan (located in Northern Cyprus), you will struggle to cross the border to visit the EU/Greek side. The best thing to do is to land in Paphos or Larnaca if you want to travel around the whole island and visit the other side.

 

Car Rental

We rented a pre-booked car from a well-reputed international car rental company at Larnaca Airport where we landed. If you haven’t pre-booked, not to worry as there are plenty of car rentals to choose from. I would also advise you to buy a comprehensive insurance cover if you intend to travel the whole island. Please note, if you choose to take the car to Northern Cyprus, the car will not be covered by the insurance bought in South Cyprus and you will need to buy additional insurance at the checkpoint before crossing over at the cost of £20 for 3 days, this will enable you to cross back and forth for 3 continuous days. The car rental company cannot stop you from crossing over, but they will advise you against it, this is the normal procedure. I would highly recommend renting a 4-wheel drive if you are of the adventurous kind and want to visit some of the remote areas of the island, if not you can always rent quadbikes or book jeep safaris, there are certain areas north of Paphos which cannot be visited by a normal car past a certain point, namely the road leading to Lara Beach and past Lara Beach (Turtle beach)  going up the mountains. In perfect honesty, we saw cars trying to get to Lara Beach, and it was a battle for them, and we could see some metal flapping at the bottom of the car. This is very important as your car rental policy will stipulate there is no cover for damage caused on off-road driving. We had planned on renting a normal 7-seater car due to cost, and there being 6 of us. When we got to the airport, we were lucky enough to be offered an upgrade to a 4x4 7-seater for a minimal fee (I had already checked online this would have cost us a fortune if we pre-booked). Even with the minimum fee, the car rental was costing us less than it would have cost us to do jeep safaris or rent a quad bike. If you can afford it, rent a 4x4, there are some exceptional places you will be able to drive to.

 

Note that they drive on the same side as the UK in both Northern and South Cyprus. The motorways tend to be not so busy, there can be some traffic in the cities such as Limassol, Larnaca and Paphos. There were no visible fixed cameras in South Cyprus and drivers definitely were driving above the speed limit they also run through Red lights and will beep you to do so too. I had trouble using Apple Maps there, but Waze (run by Google maps) worked just fine most of the time. A charge will be applied by your network provider due to Brexit if you are a UK citizen whilst using GoRoam Europe in South Cyprus, and GoRoam World in Northern Cyprus. Northern Cyprus has cameras everywhere, and there is also more police patrol, and we have seen them fining people.  City names on maps are also different to the actual signs, for example, Lefkosa is Nicosia on Google maps, Lemosos in Limassol. The places have two names generally, one in Greek, and possibly the other more international.

View from Apostolos Andrea Monastery

 

What to see and do

South Cyprus is a tourist destination seeking beaches and driving all around the South, you have a sense of them advertising nothing else but beaches and churches. There are very few tourist signposts around the island that are not related to beaches or churches, the tourist signposts are normally brown. Agio stands for ‘church’ and you will definitely see a lot of Agios. 

 

We love churches, but there are so many, and you can only select a few, some of the famous ones are the Missing Persons Monastery (Women are not allowed to visit the monastery, and men have to be fully clothed as shorts are not allowed), apparently, there is a Holy Cross there. There is also the famous Monastery of Cats, if you have a phobia of cats like I do, definitely a place to avoid. 

 

There is also the Hala Teke Mosque in Larnaca, this is a very old mosque which includes some tombs that can be visited free of charge, again you have to be fully clothed to visit the place. There are also cats around, but they are normally fed so don’t tend to bother you and mainly sleep during the day or mind their own business.

 

Cyprus has all kinds of beaches to offer, and choosing the beach depends on the activity you intend to do. Paphos has some great kiteboarding beaches if this is your thing. Most parts of the island are suitable for swimming, but I would advise swimming in areas where there are lifeguards. Personally, the area around Nissia beach, Fig Tree beach was the best; sandy beaches calm water, and fish swimming around you, great if you have little ones! There are two Blue Lagoons in Cyprus, one past Lara Beach and the second in Kavo Greko (sea caves), generally speaking, you will need a boat to swim in both, as the area is very rocky, I would strongly recommend not diving in from the cliffs as it is very rocky, and you may end up with an injury. Most beaches with lifeguards have some sort of shower area and changing cubicle.  

Nissia beach

 

There are plenty of ruins around Cyprus to choose from, the ones in Paphos are the most known. We visited in August when it was hitting around 36 degrees, and as such avoided being in the sun and did not visit a lot of ruins as there is no shade. Also, we have been to Rome and other places and have seen plenty of ruins, so it was not really something we were interested in.

 

Other than churches and beaches, the mountains will add a cooling effect to your holiday, it is a nice escape from the heat, also beware you are still looking at temperatures above the 30s in most places. Troodos is a great choice for walking around and was probably the coolest place at 21 degrees. On the way to Troodos, depending on where you are coming off, I would advise visiting a waterfall; we visited Chantara waterfalls, which included 3 waterfalls and a water pool. It was refreshing to walk in the water, which was not too cold, nor too hot.

Water pool at Chanter waterfalls

 

The small villages like Kalavasos are nice to visit to get a feel of the locals. They lose the roads off at night, so all the restaurants have their tables out and the whole village comes to life as a community. Lefkara is another village to visit, it is known for its silver jewellery and lace market. On your way to Lefkara, you will see signposts of the Bio Olive Farm, it is free to visit, but be warned, you will want to buy everything they make. The farm is owned by a husband and wife who will make you try everything in the shop, and it tastes absolutely beautiful. The couple is passionate about Olive Oil. The wife made us try so many things, and everything tasted so good! We probably cost them more in tasting than what we actually spent buying there due to airport hand luggage restrictions. She makes everything out of fresh olive oil, we bought some sweet olive oil (watermelon flavoured). We were offered a whole platter upon arrival just for tasting, and even when we left she packed us some free olives to eat for the rest of the holiday. Surprisingly, the kids loved that place, I thought they probably would have little interest in an Olive Farm but apparently, they were fascinated by all that goes on there.

Tasting at Bio Olive Farm

 

There are several Salt Lakes where Flamingos may be visible. We saw some from far away in the Salt Lake near Limassol but there were none in the Salt Lakes near Larnaca.

 

There is also a Camel Park and a Donkey Park. Camel Park includes the use of the swimming pool, but we did not visit Camel Park. We also did not visit Donkey Park, but you can get Donkey milk ice cream there, which has a different taste from the usual ice cream. However, if you want to see wild Donkeys for free, then head to Karpass Peninsula in Northern Cyprus. You will see plenty on your way up to Apostolos Andrea Monastery, a beautiful, restored Monastery by the beach. The Donkeys roam free and will walk around your car, it is always handy to have a few carrots that you can wave by the side of the window to get them to move to the side. 

 

Coming back to ice cream, we accidentally found a small family-run Ice Cream parlour in Nicosia, Northern Cyprus. By far this is the best ice cream we have had, there were so many flavours to choose from, Walnuts and Figs, Tahini, Bitter Orange, Rose and many others. The owner keeps experimenting with the flavours, we went two days in a row, and each day we got different unique flavours to try. This is definitely a cheap and great place to have homemade ice cream. Paying a visit to Sedo Ice-Cream is a must if you are in Nicosia, the décor will also blow you away. The family has been in the ice cream-making business for generations, and they certainly know what they are doing. I would also recommend you try the local delicacy, some sort of sweet bread with cheese, it tasted like heaven. We were lucky to be given a tour around the ice cream-making area which is attached to the shop and the owner’s house. They also entertained our kids with board games while we chatted away for hours with them. Please note this is not paid to advertise, but the family was so welcoming that I cannot help but give them a special shoutout. They enlightened us on the History of Cyprus, and it was great to see people from South Cyprus and North Cyprus sitting together and having a good laugh. 

Sedo Ice Cream

 

Walks around cities are also recommended, each city has its own vibes, so go for it if you have time, especially in the evenings.

 

We found Northern Cyprus to be more interesting, there was the Karpas Peninsula, which included encounters with sheep, donkeys and goats, and beautiful sights of cliffs, sea, golden beaches and the Monastery. Heading up to the monastery from the South, we also saw some beautiful mosques and abandoned churches, many of those churches were actually in a pitiful state, and this has to do with the history and politics of both Cyprus’. 

 

There is the ghost city of Varosha in Famagusta. You cannot drive inside the ghost city, but it is permissible to park and walk around certain areas of Varosha. It is highly guarded; filming and photos are prohibited, and warnings are visible all around. The city is surrounded by barbed wires and is guarded by soldiers. The city was a highly sought resort like Ayia Napa, but due to politics, the whole city had to be abandoned by Greek Cypriots who moved to the South. The city will give you a bitter-sweet feeling, bitter as it feels eerie and sad, sweet as you will not find this sight anywhere else. It is a reminder of how politics dehumanise us. For me as someone who campaigns against the illegal settlement of Israelis in Palestinian homes, this hit hard. 

 

Not far from Varosha, you will find the Walled city. The city still contains many old buildings, but is mainly a tourist area with shops and restaurants, but should be on your list of things to see. The Lala Moustafa Pasa Mosque/Saint Nicholas Cathedral is situated there. This is an old Cathedral that was converted into a mosque and is still used as a mosque. It is free to visit but you must be fully clothed. This is like seeing the reverse of Cordoba Mezquita or Seville Cathedral in Spain.

Lala Moustafa Pasa Cami

 

Further up on the eastern coast you will come across the Salamis ruins. It costs 1 euro for a child to visit, and 2.50 for an adult. Note that they will accept both Turkish Lira and Euros everywhere in Northern Cyprus.

 

Northern Cyprus looks very deserted in many places, driving along the north coast we saw many abandoned estates, with bungalows fully erected or partially built abandoned mid-construction. We later learnt that those buildings were bought/built by EU citizens who had to abandon claim to those as they were dragged to EU courts through South Cyprus. So if you are a European citizen thinking about investing there, do your research or you might lose everything.

 

Along the northern coast, you will also come across the Turtle Conservatory area in Northern Cyprus. We saw sea turtle nests in both Northern and South Cyprus, but unfortunately no turtles. The turtles come out at night, and it is prohibited to visit the area at night-time as the sea turtles get disturbed and disorientated by light. There are certain night visits that are arranged by an organisation, but we did not pursue this route.

 

Also along the coast, you will find Kyrennia/ Girne, a cute little port city, nice for a little stroll and you can also visit the castle. There are also Hillarion Castle ruins not too far from there which have a beautiful view.

 

Heading back more South (though still in Northern Cyprus), you will come across Nicosia, the last divided city in the world. Nicosia also has an old walled city which you can drive or walk around. There is also the Sellimiye Mosque but it has been closed for the past two years, this is another Cathedral that has been converted into a mosque.

 

 

Crossing the borders

There are different places to cross the border, and we crossed over through three different borders. Depending on where you are staying, choose the border close to you. We stayed in Larnaca whilst visiting Northern Cyprus, the nearest border to us was Permagasos. It is a very small border unlike Nicosia’s and is not very busy. The borders at Nicosia and Famagusta were busier. Some of the borders such as the one in Famagusta are owned by the UK, the UK forces still hold 3% of Cyprus.  Permagasos had only one check post by the Turks, unlike Nicosia where you have to pass two check-in posts, one owned by the Turks and the other by the Greeks. It was very easy to cross over, we only had to show our passports and buy insurance for the car there. Note if you buy anything from Northern Cyprus to take to the South, there is an 85 euros limit to shopping and you might get stopped for a car check. We did not buy anything, but the Turkish side was by far cheaper, even to fill up petrol or for food. We were asked about cigarettes and alcohol; I assume there is some sort of limit or prohibition.

Donkeys in Karpass Peninsula

 

Food

There are Fish taverns everywhere, and that’s where the locals eat. One of my daughters has a shellfish so we avoided those. As Muslims, we also are limited in what we can eat. Ocean Basket have restaurants in all cities, and they are a good choice, advertised as a luxury seafood restaurant, the grilled octopus is to die for! We have visited Ocean Basket in many countries, it is always a hit. Additionally, for those looking for Halal food, there is not much, we found a few places in Paphos but they were not worth it. Limassol had a good Muslim population but all restaurants also serve Pork. We ate at Cleopatra where the owner assured us that Pork dishes are prepared and cooked in a separate area of the kitchen, the food was definitely amazing, and there were certain Lebanese dishes on the menu that we never saw in Lebanese restaurants in the UK, like the Chilli Kofte. Larnaca had an Arabic shop and we bought some halal meat which I cooked as we were self-catered. There was also a few Halal restaurants. Otherwise, the pastries at Lidl never failed to impress.

Ocean Basket

 

Food in Northern Cyprus was much easier to find for us. Everything was Halal. We were told by some locals that Niazi is a great place to eat at. If you are in Kyrennia or Nicosia. Having eaten at Niazi already in Kyrennia, we wanted to try something different and were recommended Ezci. The place blew us away, the menu had about 30 pages, and all dishes looked exceptional. We each ordered a dish thinking it would be a small plate, to our surprise each plate turned out to be a platter, and there was so much left over that we had enough food for another meal the next day.

 

Kyrenia Harbour

Cyprus is a great place to visit, it can be hot and humid, so definitely make sure there is air conditioning wherever you are staying during the summer. It snows in certain areas in winter, so if you are planning a winter visit then be ready for the cold weather. Everybody drinks bottled water, although we saw a few reservoirs, there was also a desalinated plant in Larnaca, so we would recommend not drinking tap water. The people are very friendly in both the North and the South, they are possibly the most honest people (not much tourist trap) we have come across, and I believe the crime rate must be low there as we saw people living their doors wide open, and we were even told to leave the keys in the doors in the house when checking out. 

PS: As somebody suffering from ailurophobia (phobia of cats), I must admit it was not too bad, just avoid being around restaurants at night and ask to eat in restaurants.

Tips from a Single Muslim Mum Travels

As a young girl growing up I always loved adventures and going to new places, discovering new things and eating different types of food.

I always thought one day when I will have a partner we will do this together and explore the world. Unfortunately, it didn't quite work out that way, but I found great companionship in my little travellers.

As soon as I got my driving license and the car was sorted, my family knew I would hit the road, and hit it, I did! I went straight on the motorways and I was off visiting different parts of UK with my little munchkins saddled in the back, in their car seats. Every weekend meant an opportunity to explore new places - I would finish my job during the week and sometimes we would leave on Friday night itself to go and visit family and friends, as well as places we had no connection with.

My kids who must have been about 1 and 2 when I bought my car are gypsies, just like me, they grew up always travelling and never complain about the journeys or being bored. We do not have any ipads or TV in the car so all they get to do is look outside the window, do some colouring and now that they are older, they can read a book.
Exploring UK isn't enough, even though I always had spare clothes, shoes and toiletries packed in the car for all  UK weather and a tent (just in case- you never know), we needed something new, it was time to venture outside the country and explore other places.

Our first holiday was to Mauritius ( back home), I thought about the logistics - it would be easier, I had family and friends there who could help out etc. So off I went with a 2 toddlers. It was an amazing experience, but also a very exhausting experience. We had a 6 hour flight from UK to Dubai, an 8 hour wait in Dubai airport and another 6 hours flight to Mauritius- we were absolutely exhausted. It was also not the best of flights, both flights were packed, I had the 1 year old on me who was annoyed at not having a seat of her own, the 2 year old was not happy that her TV screen was not working, they were both fighting over who should watch the TV as we had one to share between the three of us, and to top it up, I had a grumpy man in the seat in front of us who was not amused about having toddlers sat behind him. I guess it should have really put me off, but my love for travelling was greater than the obstacle we faced!



Tip for parents with babies and toddlers: For your first travel, just go somewhere close by a 2-4 hours flight and with minimum baggage, do not have a transit!

The next year, after this exhausting experience, I decided to take them somewhere closer and (cheaper)! We set out for Turkey this time to enjoyed a somewhat relaxing holiday. Obviously it was never going to be relaxing with me planning it. We had lots of activities every day- the girls who had been having swimming lessons for a  year now loved it! It was warm with lots of tours for us to do everyday for just £10 a day including lunch- no planning and driving required. We even went for a boat trip where my eldest who was just 3 jumped off a double decker boat into the sea- almost giving me a heart attack- she did have her armbands on and there were other people swimming already off the boat. So, off I went along with the 2 year old swimming in the middle of the ocean. This was definitely something I never planned on,  and would definitely never have done without them.

I was more confident about taking them abroad at this point, and every holiday they would ask if we are going anywhere warm and fun.

I had driven previously in Mauritius before ( and UK), but I have never driven on an unknown territory, so for our next adventure, it made sense for me to add some more driving experience. So off we went to Malta to climb the Azure Window ( which now doesn't exist anymore) and for much more, such as mouthwatering seafood.

Our last holiday was to the Algarve, Portugal. We were very limited on time, we left UK Monday evening and our flight back was Friday afternoon, which pretty much left us with only 3 days to drive all around the Algarve but....we did it!- 3 days and we had driven around the west coast, the south cost, the mountains and up the river separating Portugal from Spain.

As a single mum I am proud of all our adventures and I know that I'm making memories we will all cherish one day.




The most important thing about travelling with children is planning, and for me: keeping the cost low. We normally stay in B&B or airbnb, it keeps the cost low but we have been very lucky and have pretty much managed to book self-catered accommodation at relatively cheap price with swimming pools. Check for cheap flights by budget airlines, there is no need for priority booking, don't book any extras unless you need it, most flights will allow you to take car seats, boosters and pushchairs free of charge (check with your airline before booking). Research on different websites for accommodation- check the prices out, check the facilities offered such as parking, swimming pool- you would be surprised at what you could find! We even had a jacuzzi at no additional cost!

Make a list of the places you want to visit, if you are staying in different places, check out all the places of interests in all the places, write them down, print  a map of the areas you are to visit, calculate how long it will take from one place to the other, find information about places to eat (especially Halal places) and compare the prices as well as check the ratings on trip advisor. Go on google maps and check the areas using the satellites, find landmarks so when you are driving around you know you are in the right place. Satnavs can be tricky to work out in some countries, so it's advisable to have your own printed map.

If you have kids, you will know they are always hungry and thirsty, make your first stop to a supermarket and buy as much snacks and drinks as possible so you don't have to stop every now and then, especially for long journeys and always always ask them to go toilet- whether they need it or not!

Many places to visit are free for under 10, so add those places to your list! Always carry your passport- some places are free to visit for EU citizens and if you have a student card, it can always be a bonus.

I am currently planning our next holiday, and one thing I did realise while planning on this one, is that some places which normally charge you for a visit would be free for adults and children on certain days of the week, so try to see if you can be visit on the 'free days'. Also, look at the festivals taking place around the time of your visit, you will get more of the local feel and culture.

One massive word of advice is research a lot about the car hire company, a lot of them will try to scam you- always read the terms and conditions before booking. I've had to learn this from some horrible experience with certain companies and avoid a certain Europe based company which is definitely not selling any gold (read between the lines)!


Remember this is meant to be fun for all, plan way ahead so you don't stress over things and work out a timetable of what you want to see on which day and how long will all this take. I love visiting historical buildings, but I know my kids my kids won't like it as much so go to places where you can do a bit of both, where they can have some relaxing time at the beach but where you can also go to places of interest.





If a single Muslim mum can do it on her own, so can you!

Sahabiyyah- 7 Things Modern Muslim Women can learn from Umm Umara/Nusaybah bint Ka'ab (r.a)

Sahabiyyah for modern Muslim women (continues)

I previously wrote about Khadija bint Khuwaylid (r.a), who was known for her strength in character. We shall now look at another woman who is known for her physical strength.

Who is Nusaybah (r.a)?

She was a mujahidda - someone who strive in the path of Allah.

Why is she a role-mode?

Nusaybah was one of the many female Sahabiyyah who was known not only for her emotional strength but also for her physical prowess in the battlefield.

She had been married twice and all her sons were shaheeds (martyrs).

She was one of the 2 women from Al-Ansar who made the trip to Madina for umrah and to pledge her allegiance to the prophet Muhammad (s.a.w)

What can we learn from her?

1. Courage and bravery is for women too

Umm Umara is known to have shown tremendous courage, and maybe the reason she is most known for is the fact that she has been described by the prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) as being one of the strongest people on the battlefield, particularly for the battle of Uhud.

She had participated in most of the battles during the prophet’s time and continued to support other battles after the death of the prophet (s.a.w).

The prophet said ‘whenever I looked to the right or left I saw her fighting in front of me’. She became the shield of the prophet Muhammad (saw) in the battle of Uhud .

The story goes that Nusabah was only meant to be handing out water in the battle of Uhud, and the prophet had given orders to the army to remain on the hills, but the army did not listen and as a result, the enemy took advantage of this and attacked. A lot of sahabas fled, many of whom were men. Seeing this, Nusaybah decided instead of picking buckets of water to pick up a sword and fight to save Allah’s messenger. She was fearless, she didn’t have a shield and did not care about her own safety- her priority was to protect the prophet at all cost, including her own life.  The prophet never failed to compare her courage as being the better than  men at the battle of Uhud.

When one of the male companions was running away to save his own life, the prophet (s.a.w) shouted to him to throw his shield to Nusaybah who so far had been fighting just with a sword and without a shield. This shows how much courage she did have indeed.

Nusaybah had many wounds in many a battle, but during the battle of Uhud she sustained 13 wounds, one of which was a very deep cut on her neck which took 1 whole year to heal.

In another battle, she lost her wrist and became disabled yet that did not stop her to fight with other parts of her body.

This is a true imagery of courage and bravery and shows us how to face adversity in life, be it at work, in the house or outside.

2. Sacrificing in the cause of Allah

Nusaybah stands for sacrifice - the moment she became a Muslim, she dedicated to sacrifice everything in her life to Islam , including her own children.

During the battle of Uhud, many men fled and only around 10 people stayed behind to protect the prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) and 40% of the people who stayed belonged to Nusaybah’s family. The story does not speak about 40% being part of a man’s family but of a woman’s family. This shows how strong of a woman she was, that the men in her family was recognised by her presence!

Nusaybah had 3 sons who all became shaheeds. Upon hearing about the death of her son Habib, she is reported to have said ‘it was for such a situation I prepared them’- meaning she raised them to be sacrificed in the way of Allah.

Habib was sent by the prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) as a messenger to Musaylam Al Khazaab- a powerful imposter who claimed prophethood. Along with Habib, another sahaba was sent. When they got Musaylam, he asked them 2 questions repeatedly:

‘Who is Muhammad?’

‘Who am I?’

The first sahaba, fearing for is life  replied you are a messenger of Allah to Musaylam.

Habib, well-trained by his mum, on the other hand was not scared. He was merely a messenger but he was not going to deny the truth.

He answered Muhammad (s.a.w) is the messenger of Allah.

And for the second question, his reply was always ‘I can’t hear you.’

Every time he said I can’t hear you, Musaylam ordered for him to be cut in pieces. And yet, he had the same answer everytime, and when they were done cutting him, they burnt him.

Rather than feeling sadness upon hearing that, Nusaybah was proud of her son and knew she had raised him right. She set the example for all mothers.

She was not the mother of just one shaheed but of 3. Her dua (prayer) was for her and her family to be reunited in Jannah with the prophet Muhammad (s.a.w). Dua which the prophet confirmed to be accepted.

Her other son Abdullah finally in the end killed Musaylam and avenged the death of his brother. Allah gave her this right in the Dunya ( this world) itself for justice rather than in Akhirah.

Her sons Abdullah and Damra also died in other battles.

What could be more important to a mother than the life of her children? Yet this woman did not flinch to sacrifice her own flesh and blood in the way of Allah.

3. Resilience and steadfastness is a sign of womanhood

She was steadfast- even after many injuries and battles she did not give up. She carried on fighting for Islam, losing her own body part, losing her own children- yet she never gave up.

In one of the battles, her son got hurt and the prophet (s.a.w) ordered her to go and tend to him, which she did dutifully. Once her son was in a better position, she said to him ‘get up and fight’. She loved her children and she cared for them, but she was a Muslim before everything else.

The prophet is reported to have said to her following all her injuries and losses, ‘Who can bear what you can bear Umm Umara?’

The prophet himself was amazed by her bravery and courage. No, he was not praising a man, but a woman for being physically and emotionally strong.

4. Having priorities is a must

At the battle of Uhud, she was meant to be merely handing out water to the fighters. She knew what her ‘job’ was but when she saw the men deserting the prophet (s.a.w) - she also knew what her priority was. Her aim and objective was to protect the life of the prophet (s.a.w) and Islam. So, instead of doing her ‘job’. She took the initiative proactively to defend the prophet (s.a.w) instead.

There is a saying- we need to choose our battles and this is exactly what she did.

5. Show our love for Allah and his prophet (s.a.w)

There is no denying her love for Allah and his prophet (s.a.w). The prophet saw this through out his life and so did his companions. This woman who was picking a sword for the first time stood without armour and shield and sustained injury after injury just to protect the prophet (s.a.w) when most men had deserted him to save their own lives!

How many people will sacrifice themselves for the deen? We cannot even sacrifice anything as our love for our nafs are so strong. We mould ourselves to please people rather than Allah and his messenger.

6. We should earn the respect of both men and women

She was not only respected and admired by the women but also by the men. After the death of the prophet (s.a.w) she and her family carried on to play important roles in Islam. She earned, gave and commanded respect. She showed not only a woman has intelligence but also physical strength when and as required.

She is a role model for all of us women to teach our daughters to take on martial arts and other physical activities to make them stronger. She showed us that not only men are fighters, but women can too- we not only can defend ourselves but others too! After all, she is the one who protected the prophet (s.a.w) with Allah’s permission.

7. Women’s rights

Nusaybah was not only fierce on the battlefield, but she was also sharp with her tongue.

She told the Prophet (s.a.w) that she is only hearing about men in the Quran then the following verse  was revealed:

‘Verily, the Muslims men and women, the believers men and women, the men and the women who are obedient to Allah, the men and women who are truthful, the men and women who are patient, the men and women who are humble, the men and women who give Sadaqat (Zakat), the men and women who observe fast, the men and the women who guard their chastity (from illegal sexual acts), and the men and women who remember Allah much with their hearts and tongues, Allah has prepared for them forgiveness and a great reward (Paradise)’ (33:35)

Don’t be scared to ask Allah and complain about your situation. He is ever-listening and have hope your dues and complaints are being heard by the one who can make everything possible.

Possibly, she is the first woman to ask for women’s right!

7 things we can learn form Umm Umara/Nusaybah bit Ka’ab

1. Courage and bravery is for women too
2. Sacrificing in the cause of Allah
3. Resilience and steadfastness is a sign of womanhood
4. Having priorities is a must
5. Show our love for Allah and his prophet (s.a.w)
6. We should earn the respect of both men and women
7. Women’s rights

12 Things modern Muslim women can learn from Khadija bint Khuwaylid (r.a)

Whenever we are trying to look for a female role-model in Islam, we often are pointed in the direction of how a wonderful wife, daughter and mother the Sahabiyyah were. Nowadays, more than ever we need to know what other roles did they play other than perfecting their role as a mother, daughter and wife. What did they do for themselves? What made them an asset to the society they were living in? How did they contribute to raising the status of women in Islam outside their households?

I will be dedicating a series of blogs to the Sahabiyyah and the roles they played outside their relationship with the men in their families to show that us women do have role models we can look up to in order to aspire us to become the best for ourselves.

Who is  Khadija (r.a)?

The first wife of the prophet (saw) and the only one till her death.

She is the only wife to have given him children.

The first revert/convert to Islam.

Who was Khadijah (r.a) before she married the prophet (saw)?

Khadija bint Khuwaylid was the daughter of a noble and rich businessman of the Quraysh. She was highly sought  after for marriage due to the high status of her father  and she had been married twice before she married the prophet Muhammad (saw).

Khadija had been married and was a widow, having inherited the money of her late husbands. It is said her second husband was very rich, and after his death, she inherited all of his money and business.

Khadija was a smart woman brought up in a house of a smart and intelligent businessman and undoubtedly benefitted from her father’s knowledge and know-how in the business world.

She was known as Ameerat-Quraysh (“Princess of Quraysh”) and al-Tahira (“The Pure One”) and was a fierce business competitor in a world ruled by men. 

She knew how to handle her business single-handedly and appointed many a man to take care of her business dealings which involved a lot of travelling, and which may have been obstacle for her due to her being also a single mother and having the care of her children.

Khadija(r.a) was very clever and could tell she was being swindled by the men she appointed to do the business deals, which involved travelling and trading goods in different parts of the country/world. She knew she was making more profit, but it was not coming back to her as those men would lie about the profit they were making.

She wanted someone honest and she heard about Muhammad Al-Ameen (saw) through her sister, who had previously employed him. Khadijah (r.a), upon hearing about him decided to appoint him as a salesman; but she was also a very intelligent woman, reason being she also sent her servant along with him to make sure she received appropriate feedback about him. She was not one to be conned!

The servant could not stop praising Muhammad (saw) and how he dealt with other people fairly and the manner in which he conducted his business. Moreover, Khadija(r.a) knew she has finally found the honest man she has been looking to conduct her business as she had never made as much profit before with any other salesman.

How did she propose to the prophet Muhammad (saw)?

We consider ourselves to be living in a ‘modern’ world yet many of us would find it ‘inappropriate’ to approach a man and propose to him.

Khadija (r.a) was not one of those women - she knew what she wanted and she set out to work on getting what she wanted.

She was a confident woman, who believed in herself and had the courage to send a marriage proposal to Muhammad (saw) for herself.

She was also a noble woman, and as such, she could not approach him directly to ask the question but instead sent her sister to do the job. She had the courage and yet the shyness (hayah) to ask him for his hand.

She was a rich woman, who even though widowed twice and being a single mother was constantly being showered with marriage proposals from the most affluent men, yet she was not attracted to the money and name of those people. She was a fine woman who could see deeper than that which meets the eye - she had a vision of a better future, a peaceful and happy life with a man who would be her partner and complete her in every aspect of life.

Muhammad (saw) had been a shepherd and he was living with his uncle at that time and did not have any place of his own - he could not afford a wife with whatever he was making and he was not looking into getting married as he knew he would not be able to provide for one fairly. Khadijah (r.a) overlooked this - she did not need a man to save her finances, she needed a man who knew his priorities and was ready to work hard and honestly to meet his needs. She saw what he could do and believed in him even before she married him. She could see that his honesty was going to be the basis of a worthy relationship. Although she had previously decided she had enough of marriages following her two marriages, she knew he was worth it as he was an honest and trustworthy man - a man that deserves to be loved and cared for even though his financial status was not the best!

When told it is Khadija bint Khuwaylid (r.a) that was seeking his hand, the prophet (saw) was shocked - The princess of the Quraysh wanted to marry a poor shepherd! He did not think he was worthy of her, but obviously being the strong woman she was - she wanted him as a companion and she made this clear by sending her sister to ask his hand in marriage. She was determined - she knew what she wanted and she was out to get it, even when the man in question himself had doubts! His poverty did not scare him, nor did the fact she is richer than him make her question whether a man would be willing to live under his wife’s wings.

Who was Khadija (r.a) as the wife of the prophet (saw)?

Khadija (r.a) believed in Muhammad (saw) even when he did not believe in himself. She knew he was the prophet even before he accepted this fact. She was his rock! She was also the one to give him a shoulder to cry on, to give him support and to hold his hand.

She was not just his wife, but she was his best friend, his confident, the one who made him stronger when he felt weak. This shows how emotionally strong she was as a woman. In most relationships, it is the man who plays the ‘strong’ character, but we can clearly see in their love story -  Khadija (r.a) was the one who made Muhammad (saw) even stronger. 

She believed so much in Allah and his prophet (saw) that she spent all her wealth in the cause of Allah - doing charity and supporting Muslims through thick and thin.  This shows how selfless she was, she was a giver and gave everything away even when Allah blessed her with immense wealth. She was not scared of being poor even though she always had a comfortable life - she stood for the truth and faced it by staying constantly at her husband’s side.

What is special about Khadija (r.a)?

Allah granted her the status of being the first convert/revert to Islam - a woman was chosen to be given this status. 

She is mentioned first in the Hadith related about the 4 best women in Islam due to her patience and resilience.

Allah himself sent her ‘salam’ through Jibril (a.s).

The prophet Muhammad (saw) loved her more than any other wife.

12 reasons she is our role-model?

1. She is the Mother of the Believers.

2. She was a strong, independent and self-reliant businesswoman.

3. She was a clever woman with sound judgement.

4. She was a successful business woman in a world ruled by men.

5. She did not let the fact that she was a widow and single mother affect her career.

6. She had a vision and a goal and she set out to get it.

7. She loved selflessly and dedicated her wealth to others.

8. She was the rock for the man in her life.

9. She thought with her brain as well as her heart.

10. She was daring, yet respectful.

11. She was not scared of challenges.

12. She was not looking for a saviour in a man.

Instilling gratitude in Children

" If you are grateful, He is pleased with you..." (Az-Zumar 39:7). 

These are the words of Allah, he promised us that if we show gratitude to Him, we would not be among the losers.

In a world becoming increasingly materialistic, how do we go about raising children who are grateful for what they have? For what has been bestowed to them by Allah’s blessings?

I am a teacher by profession and I have worked with children from the age of 4 to 16 in the past 9 years or so - I have experienced dealing with Muslims and non-Muslims children and as a matter of fact, gratitude is one of the things that over the years I have witnessed being on the decline among today’s youth.

Both my children are born and raised in a first world country where obviously they are surrounded by new technology, new toys and new gadgets - much of the materialistic things that today’s youngsters rely a lot on and consider a must.

Over 6 years ago when I realised I was pregnant with my first child, I had just bought a brand new flat screen 40” TV. One of the first decision I made was to raise my child differently to the children I have been teaching in schools, I wanted to give her something different - my time!

I got rid of the brand new TV and then started my journey of motherhood. Only a few months after her birth, I found myself living as a single mother and also expecting a second child. The first few years of motherhood were the hardest as financially I was not in the best of situation and although I had found a more reliable job following the birth of my 2nd child, the pay was not the best but I was grateful to Allah for getting us through this tough patch.

I wanted my kids to realise how lucky and blessed we were that Allah made sure we had a roof on our head, food on our plates and clothes to wear. I started looking into how I could show my children that although we may not have the best of everything, what we do have is more than we need and Alhumdulillah I found a good and practical way of doing this.

One of my muslim friends started a homeless people project and asked me if I would help out. She was a divorcee and a revert with not much support herself, and who had upon her conversion to Islam experience some sort of homelessness herself. I asked her if she wouldn’t mind if I bring my daughters along (they were aged 2.5 and 3.5 then) as I thought it would be a good way of showing them what life is like for other people. So, we would cook and packed food as well as prepare hygiene packs which had the basic items for grooming and hygiene for the homeless people. Every      Saturday evening, when  people were getting ready for their night outs, we would load our handbags with foods and those survival packs to give out to people. I would rarely hand out any of them, but rather used to let my daughters to do it - the people they gave the things to were obviously dressed  in rags - old, stained, dirty and smelly clothes. They were not the most appealing  looking people - some have not had a hair cuts in months, others have not showered in quite a while and so on. You can pretty much portray the beggars from any old English movie you have seen - many did look exactly like that! It was important for me to teach them that those people ’s appearances did not matter, and they were not ‘ugly’ but instead they were having a difficult time and they had nowhere to live, no where to sleep, no food to eat and so on. I wanted them to be aware of other people’s difficulties and pain so they could see how much better off we are and give thanks to Allah for all we have.

We had fluorescent jackets with the logo of the charity we were helping out and they were oversized for their tiny body, but they loved it - they loved being part of the crew and helping making a difference to other people’s lives. The homeless people were thankful to us for what were doing for them, but I was also thankful and grateful for them to teach my children about appreciating the blessings we have. My kids, even though very young obviously asked questions about what happened to them(the homeless people) and why we needed to help them etc - and this helped to develop empathy in them towards others. 

One day, one of the homeless ladies who we had given some food asked me if I wouldn’t mind if she gives something to my kids and if she could hug them. She explained she has not seen her grand children in years and she would just like to hug them for making her day brighter. She had gotten a pack of sweets for them and wanted them to have it. As she gave it to them,I could spot a little tear rolling down the side of her eyes. Maybe my kids could not understand what this one hug meant to her, but I could and I am sure even though they were very young they could feel the love and warmth of that person. Unfortunately, we could not carry on with the project as there was not enough people to give us a hand but even till date - 2 years later, my kids still ask about ‘when are we going to feed the poor people’.

Another anecdote is the old lady selling Big Issue outside our local shop. For years there is this old lady (a refugee) who sells the Big Issue to earn some pennies in order to survive. Since my kids were babies, whenever I go shopping there , I make it a point to buy some extra food or drink item to give to her on our way out. Both my children know we always get her something, and when we are inside the shop, they will ask ‘Mummy can we get her this or that this time?’ I could not tell you how proud of them I feel whenever they do that - they love giving her her little something on the way out. The lady speaks no English, but she has come to recognise me and my daughters and she knows we will always get her something. My youngest once asked me why do we always buy the old lady stuff - I explained that Allah has given us enough to share with others so we can make them happy, then Allah feels happy and give us more. 

One day, I was packing away old clothes to give to charity, my daughters walked in and asked me what I was doing - I told them I’m giving away their old clothes to the children who don’t have clothes to wear as their mummy and daddy cannot buy any. My eldest said, ‘What about toys Mummy? Do they have toys?’ I said they probably do not. ‘Can we give them some of the old toys we don’t play with?’  So off they went getting their old toys and packing it away - some were not even old, and some the still played with, but they were so happy about sharing their happiness with other children that they were not bothered about giving toys they actually liked. Some of the toys were a bit tacky, so we went to the shop and got some pencils, colouring books etc to add to the pile so they could also have some ‘new’ things.

My kids do not have the latest gadgets, toys etc but they are happy for what we have and they are thankful to Allah for whatever He gives us. They understand that other children may have certain things we do not have, but they are grateful and happy for what we have and Alhumdulillah never have I experienced them throwing a tantrum for something they want or would like to have. 

As a single mother, I must admit money does run low, and sometimes I would like to give them more but we just cannot afford it! But they understand that we have priorities and inshAllah if we have more money then we can have extras from time to time, but they are grateful for whatever I give them and always thanks Allah for it. A ‘jazakhallah khairan’ can go a long way but also the fact as parents if we commit to doing something for them then we actually do it. If we promise to give them something once we are in a better position, then we actually do it! 

To finish off I would like to end with a dua my daughters often make when we finish praying:’Oh Allah thank you for everything you have given us, but can you give my mummy more money or give us a new dad who will buy us all the toys in the world. Ameen’

I do pray both duas get accepted inshaAllah.

A box called Responsibility

One of my friends texted me today to say ‘it’s good to see you posting about women positive thinking again rather than the men bashing posts you have been writing lately.’ I am not a feminist nor do I hate men, I just don’t like incompetent men, men that cheat, men that lies, men that pretend and fake, men who are indecisive, men who are racists, men who are control freaks and men who don’t take on responsibility. So, to be honest, I don’t think it’s such an exhaustive list of men I hate, just maybe there’s more men in the world with those characteristics nowadays than there ever was before.

Anyway, I thought this is a good opportunity for me to post about the men I actually like and appreciate. Unfortunately, not many men will fall in this category as far as I am concerned. One of my work colleagues recently made a remark about women being ‘too much’ nowadays and my response was; maybe it’s not that women are too much, just that we have high standards and guys don’t meet them in general - here we go, I am men bashing again!

I think there is distinctive difference between what is a man and what is a boy. There seems to be more boys around than men - or maybe I just don’t come across men that often, I can literally count on my fingers the number of ‘men’ I have come across in the past 10 years, and literally I think Muslim men are a drop in that handful.

So here we go, thank you to those few men out there who are actually being men and doing what they are supposed to do, and following the example of the prophet Muhammad ( peace be upon him)- the best of men.

My daughters are of the age now where they understand our family is different from most traditional muslim families - where you have a mother and a father. They do not mind it as such - single parenthood is quite a common thing in Europe, maybe not so much in the muslim community but they come it across at school etc. Nowadays, there are many more single muslim mums - not due to being widows (which was more common at the time of the prophet) but more so because of a higher divorce rate.

So, they ask questions about my marriage, whether they have a father or not etc. I have never lied to them - so they are aware their biological father is alive- although according to them, he lives ‘abroad’-something they came up with- and if that makes them happy- then so be it. People are easy to pass judgements, my kids are mixed-raced and their surname definitely give in that they are mixed. Not a lot of Muslims kids carry an English surname.

There are so many assumptions among Muslims, like for example if you are married to someone from a different race- it has to be a ‘love’ marriage; or if your spouse has a non-muslim name- then he/she converted to Islam out of love for you. Maybe in some Muslim ‘cultures; this is the norm - but to assume that this is the case for every single Muslim is choosing to be ignorant and judgemental - not all born muslim are cultural - some actually practice the religion, not the culture.

Moving on, the story I told my daughter is called ‘A box called Responsibility’. I made up this story so they can understand better and be grateful for what they have. The story goes, when babies are born, along comes a gigantic box called Responsibility. This box is the heaviest box anyone ever gets to lift - and only the strongest of people can actually do that. In a lot of families, two people need to lift this box and carry it cos it is SO heavy, and Allah knows one of them is not strong enough to do it by oneself, so he asks BOTH to carry it. 

But, in our family, Mummy is super duper strong, so Allah said ‘Mummy you can do it all by yourself, you don’t need dad’s help.’ So Mummy bent down and lifted the box, and she knew she could carry it all by herself. The box was heavy, but it was a lot of fun, and Mummy didn’t have to share any of things inside with anyone - she felt privilege that Allah chose her to have all the goodies in the box to herself. Some days though, this box does get heavier than usual, Allah puts more goodies in it, then Mummy feels tired and her back starts hurting - those are the days she needs help lifting the box. So then, Allah sends other people to help her carry the box; those are the nice people Allah puts on Mummy’s path and her children’s path - the people who just want to come and help just cos they are nice!

And sometimes, just because they (my kids) are so strong themselves, they give me a hand to carry the box. Kids from a single parent household tend to learn about responsibilities much earlier than other kids; the single parent depend on them as much as they depend on him/her.

Those friends, relatives, strangers who help us carry the box are our lifelines. Most single mums rely on their support network - they say it takes a village to raise a child and indeed it does - no matter how small that village is. Single mums tend to support each other, as we know of the struggle and the battles; but what is more amazing are those people who have not experienced our struggle, and yet they care enough to give us a helping hand and a shoulder. Those few people who recognise us, and see our struggle make a real difference to us - that stranger who stops in the shop to distract our children when they are having a meltdown, that friend who call to ask us how we are doing and if we need anything, the men who choose to play daddy in their lives - all of those people contribute in supporting us and we do not acknowledge them enough maybe verbally, but deep down you have no idea how grateful we are to those people. We do not want pity- we do not want those sorry looks - all we want is people to actually put into action what they are saying- actions speak louder than words and your actions tells us about your intentions.

So to those men, who comes in the form of our father/brother/cousin/friend or even stranger a big thank you for re-storing our hope in manhood. I am lucky enough that my brother chose to play that role in my family - although he has his own family, he still helps me with the school runs, with babysitting duties and so on. I could not have done it without him - when I gave up and didn’t believe in me, he pushed me to stand on my own feet - when I need a break, he takes time off work to look after my kids - and whenever he mentions having 4 kids, rather than 2- somewhere I feel even if something was to happen to me, he’d be there for them. My kids chose to call him ‘daddy’ and people have frown upon this as he is their uncle and it could confuse them- they are not confused - they are just giving him the respect and love he deserves.

A real man knows when to stand up and when to sit down; a real man knows how to take responsibility on (whether it’s his or not); a real man doesn’t just do the talk, but he also does the walk; a real man does not live in a fantasy world but faces reality ( no matter how ugly it is); a real man will know where his priorities lie; a real man will guide and support and finally he will give and command respect. So cheers to all the real men out there - keep up with it - we need you!

And for those Muslims out there who are scared of us single mums for whatever reasons - the prophet (peace be upon him) was raised by a single mother until she passed away, his first wife Khadija bint Khuwaylid was also a single mother and business woman, Maryam bint Imran was a single mother, Sawdah bint Zam’a ( the prophet’s 2nd wife) was a single mother who was old, Umm Salamah (another wife of the prophet) also a single mum and barren, Zaynab bin Jahsh a divorcee ( wife of the prophet), Ramla bint Abu Sufyan (wife of the prophet and a single mum) and Safiya bin Huyay (wife of the prophet belonging to a Jewish family).  We single mums and divorcees have so many examples to look up to and we should know our worth according to what the prophet has set and not what society wants us to think. Ladies let’s try to please Allah and his messenger (peace be upon him)!

Happily ever after is in the Hereafter

I was reading a post earlier and it said “Happily ever after is only in the Hereafter” and this made me smile. We are always running after this ‘Happily ever after’ in this world - the dream job, the dream house, the dream marriage/partner, the perfect kids, the perfect education, the perfect look etc etc. So many times, we feel we have failed cos we are nowhere near the targets we’ve set. We still have a long way to go or maybe we have given up on the idea of ever even getting there.

I personally had to change a lot of things in my life. When I was 18, I set some goals with a friend and we both decided by the time we are 29 we would have achieved so many things in life. Sadly, my friend passed away just after his 20th birthday so he didn’t get to fulfil any of his dreams. It was a bit of a wake up call for me then, we plan but Allah is the biggest of planners. The targets we tend to set are more to do with the achievements of this world, the best target we could set is to do with the hereafter.

I must admit, many of things I set out to achieve by the age of 29 has not been fulfilled; some of them I know deep in my heart will most like never become true; though somewhere in me, I have hope that Allah’s plan is much better and bigger than the one I had.

Becoming a mum before the age of 25 was really not part of my plan, but it was part of Allah’s plan and probably the best I have had so far.  It has taught me so many things about life and about myself. I have been blessed with motherhood, even though maybe I have had to give up on other things; but I wouldn’t change it for anything else in this world.

When I turned 29, I decided it was time to change those milestones I had set; some were outdated and others were just not practical; maybe the best choice is to leave it all to Allah, for Him to decide what is to come without really planning too much ahead.

When my dad passed away, me and my siblings decided to talk to my mum and let her know that we will support her if she ever decides to get married again. Loneliness can be something quite hard to deal with, especially if you have spent most of your life by someone’s side. I clearly remember my mum’s answer: “ No matter how hard it gets here in this world on my own, I at least have the hope that in the hereafter, I will be with your dad again, as his wife once more.” This for me is one of  the “Happily ever after” - to have experienced true love and to be willing to wait for the rest of your life to re-live it. They did not have the perfect marriage, but they had what it took to understand each other and to survive through their 25 years of marriage.

So, I have hope that no matter what I have had, and what I have in this world; what is to come in the Hereafter in every aspect of my life will be much better even if I have to wait for eternity InshaAllah. We are but travellers in this world.

My dear sisters, let’s stop running after the goals we have set here, and focus on the fruits we will reap there InshaAllah.